More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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