i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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