Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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