I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
