As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
