I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
