I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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