wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
