how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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