We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
