I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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