I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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