im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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