I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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