She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
