I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
