Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
