I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
