I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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