I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
