you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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