why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
