its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
