Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize