If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
