I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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