a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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