This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I AM VODKA MAN
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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