Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
