When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
