I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
