I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
