y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
