Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The best revenge is premature balding
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
