not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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