Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
