After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
