Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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