If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
