your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize