having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
