she smelled like a LAN party
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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