i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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