I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it glows. i had to have it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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