Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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