Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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