pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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