Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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