i don't like sucking hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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