My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
