I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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