apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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