it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
