i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
