Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am available for nakedness
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
