I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
