it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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