It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
