those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize