dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
