Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
