i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
