walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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