Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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