Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
