I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
