i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
