he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
