my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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