I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
