Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
