saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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