Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
