There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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