new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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