I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
