I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
