All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
