well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
