so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are we still banned from the library?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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