Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
