there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
