One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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