the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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