i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
