Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
