so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
