I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
