I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
