Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
