You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize