Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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