if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
