Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
