The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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