I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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