I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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