drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
