My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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