you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
