Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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