It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
should my penis look like a turkey
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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