Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
