Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
