I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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