I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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