What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
