Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize