She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm having to shit out rocks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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