We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
