So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
