Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
