the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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