coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did i walk over a car last night?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
